I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY. Punching the keyboard with capslock on, ANGRY. I just walked home from the music building on campus. It’s approximately a 7-minute brisk walk, and I’ve walked it a million times over since I moved into this house a little over two years ago. Since then, whenever I’ve made the walk past nightfall, I’ve been nervous—but normal nervous. You know—the normal nerves every girl has when she has to make a seemingly harmless walk from point A to point B after 7 pm—-when she’s clutching her cell phone in one coat pocket, and grasping her house key in the other, wondering where the fuck she put her pepper spray. It’s the little things in life, I tell you.
I am angry right now because I was scared this time. And that makes me want to cry.
I’m the biggest proponent of the buddy system for all of my sisters at night. But I’ve always been the worst offender. It was partially out of convenience, but the more I learned of exactly how much I’m supposed to be afraid of my streets, the more my solitary walks came out of defiance. Me saying, “No, rape culture. I will not let you manipulate my movement.” Outwardly, at least.
I am angry right now because for the first time on this particular walk, I felt weak and vulnerable. SO CONGRATULATIONS, SOCIETY. I was so edgy that I had my response ready for any fool who dared to catcall me. REALLY?!?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?!? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING TO ME?!? DO YOU HAVE ANY CONCEPT OF HOW YOU WERE BORN HARDWIRED TO MAKE ME FEEL SMALL?!? STOP BEING A FUCKING CLICHÉ AND GO LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT THE RAPE CULTURE THAT WE’RE SO CLEARLY LIVING IN. and I know you didn’t mean anything by it. So don’t brush me off with your pointless feelings of frustration over how hurtful it is that girls get skittish when you share their sidewalk at night. Stop bitching and go intervene when you hear someone blame a victim. STOP the misconceptions about acquaintance rape. STOP ANYONE FROM THINKING IT’S THEIR RIGHT TO EXERT POWER IN ANY CAPACITY, INCLUDING MANIPULATION, OVER SOMEONE ELSE’S BODY. I’ll wear the fucking short skirt if I damn well please.
STOP RAPING PEOPLE. And don’t you dare think I’m taking this out of proportion. Go swallow the red fucking pill if you don’t believe me. And don’t you DARE feel sorry for me, that I’m so upset. This isn’t about me, can’t you see that?!? THIS IS ABOUT YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE AND EVERYONE THAT LOVES YOU.
This is so not the end of this rant.